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My wife and I decided to watch a double feature of Moonfall followed by Ever After for NYE (because we knew we’d need something relatively smart after our dumb disaster movie), and let me tell you, I was not prepared for “the moon was built by aliens and an AI swarm is crashing it into the earth.” I’m so excited to see where this goes next.
Okay, update: we’d already established the moon is hollow (obvi), but then volcanos started exploding, so now we’ve established that the moon is currently denser than it should be (presumably because the metal AI swarm is hiding inside?). Also, the military wants to nuke something. Unclear what. But like, that part tracks.
Wait wait, now there’s a “gravity wave” that’s basically causing a tsunami? And we’re trying to launch a shuttle before everything gets sucked into the gravity??? I think? Water is just streaming up into the sky and the shuttle is launching through it.
Because we must have as many disasters as possible, giant hunks of moon debris are now pummeling earth. And the children of the two main astronauts are wandering around trying to get to a military bunker, but they haven’t had enough screen time to have any personality so I’m having trouble caring.
Bonus points for every time we seen the moon just absolutely looming over everything.
The astronauts are now inside the giant hole in the moon. Meanwhile, the angry teenager on earth had a talk with his stepdad that consisted of the stepdad saying he didn’t want them to hate each other, and the stepson saying he didn’t hate him. I’m not even condensing the convo. That was it.
Wait, we’re inside the moon now and there’s so much machinery and a literal white dwarf as the power source. And the AI swarm is messing up the gyroscope. I’m crying.
There was a scene early on where Sam from GoT spouted off a ton of ludicrous ideas about the moon’s structure. And literally every part of it has been proven true so far. Fingers crossed we meet some aliens soon.
Update from the military: I think they’re going to nuke the moon. That’s their whole plan.
And there’s a car chase happening during moon rise, so I’m really hoping all the cars are going to start floating.
There was only a brief moment of the car floating as it went off a jump, so I’m a little disappointed. But our chances of meeting aliens seems very high since there’s been both a tractor beam and some unknown entity adjusted the air inside the moon so the team can breathe.
Okay, I really didn’t have “Earth was founded by a peaceful utopian race of aliens but then the AI that ran their society went rogue and hunts humans” on my bingo card, but here we are. Extra loving the delivery by a creepy construct appearing as Patrick Wilson’s son.
Wait, it’s even better than that: the moon was a complicated machine that actually created the planet that became Earth, then seeded it with genetic material to kickstart evolution? And now the AI swarm finally found them because it’s programmed to go after tech + organic material.
I’m dying laughing, but a part of me is also so distressed because I know there are people who believe this kind of thing unironically.
The visuals of the AI swarm seem highly inspired by the smoke monster in Stranger Things.
And the moon is now sucking the atmosphere away from earth, so stepdad just sacrificed himself by giving away his oxygen tank to his little kid. In no way was I prepared for all of the batshit twists in this movie.
New York just got demolished including a great shot of the top of the Chrysler Building breaking off and falling up toward the moon. At this point it feels pretty clear that even if the team on the moon succeeds, Earth is going to be a post-apocalyptic wasteland and most of the population will have died. Oh, and Team Moon is fighting over who gets to pull and Armageddon and die heroically.
Plot twist: Sam the conspiracy theorist gets to sacrifice himself (no, that’s not his name, but I can’t make myself learn any of the character’s names) because Patrick Wilson got the moon’s info dump so he needs to survive.
I feel like I’m remiss in not mentioning sooner that Halle Berry is one of the astronauts, but my main reaction to her character is just awe over how fucking good she looks. That woman is immortal.
“If Earth gets a second chance, I guess we deserve one too.” I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but Halle looked very sincere when she said it so we’re rolling with it.
Also because we saved the moon from the AI, abruptly the planet is no longer on fire?
Sam’s consciousness has been scanned and uploaded to the operating system of the moon, so now he gets to live forever with a digital version of his mom and his cat Fuzz Aldrin. And that’s how the movie ends! Also, we apparently peeled off so many chunks of the moon’s surface that it now obviously looks like a Death Star and just hangs out near the Earth. Amazing. What a terrible/hilarious movie.
My wife and I decided to watch a double feature of Moonfall followed by Ever After for NYE (because we knew we’d need something relatively smart after our dumb disaster movie), and let me tell you, I was not prepared for “the moon was built by aliens and an AI swarm is crashing it into the earth.” I’m so excited to see where this goes next.
Okay, update: we’d already established the moon is hollow (obvi), but then volcanos started exploding, so now we’ve established that the moon is currently denser than it should be (presumably because the metal AI swarm is hiding inside?). Also, the military wants to nuke something. Unclear what. But like, that part tracks.
Wait wait, now there’s a “gravity wave” that’s basically causing a tsunami? And we’re trying to launch a shuttle before everything gets sucked into the gravity??? I think? Water is just streaming up into the sky and the shuttle is launching through it.
Because we must have as many disasters as possible, giant hunks of moon debris are now pummeling earth. And the children of the two main astronauts are wandering around trying to get to a military bunker, but they haven’t had enough screen time to have any personality so I’m having trouble caring.
Bonus points for every time we seen the moon just absolutely looming over everything.
